The below was written by Franca Rosenblatt exclusively for our Substack newsletter on July 7, 2024 themed around no. 3 — HEARTBREAK STORIES.
I’d never been patient enough to make a relationship last. I know myself to love the game of the chase, charming people into falling in love with me, and then having it end after a few months. I’ve felt a certain power in those relationships, oftentimes feelings of betrayal and anger overpowering any sadness that may be lying underneath. This time, there is no anger.
***
Our story is a sweet one, of a tall, blonde, beautiful girl from the beaches of Southern California, befriending me, a New Jersey native with fresh tattoos and short, mulleted hair. I am choreographing a production of Rocky Horror Picture show, and I cast her as Janet. It’s a joke among the cast that our Janet is the only straight one involved in the production. An unlikely friendship forms, and soon we’re spending much of our free time together.
At this time, I am already quite comfortable in my own sexuality. My septum is pierced, short hair in full swing, I am known around my school program. When she tells me she thinks she’s queer and has feelings for me, I say I need a few days to think. Is she sure she likes me? Is she sure she’s not just confused? Wait…Do I like her? I’m afraid I’m going to hurt my friend. 3 days later, I march into her dorm room and utter the words that change the trajectory of my entire college experience:
“Are we about to kiss right now?”
(I actually did utter those exact words.)
I can’t believe it, that worked.
Flash forward two and a half years. Her and I are one unit. We take our weekly Trader Joe’s trips together, we arrive to parties together and without fail, complete the lesbian exit every time (for those who aren’t familiar, it’s the same as the Irish goodbye). We sit on her couch for hours, eating all sorts of delicious food, laughing, and blasting through all the rom-coms she was horrified I had never watched before we met. I am inducted into her sweet family, spending countless weekends in Palos Verdes. We’re an old married couple randomly placed in the throes of college. She visits me in New Jersey and we talk about the one bedroom apartment we’ll have in New York City. We support each other through the tumultuous ups and downs of our early twenties.
Then it’s our last weekend together, which makes for a rather emotional, beautiful, difficult trip. We reassure each other it’s going to be okay. We get our unexpected love story.
***
One month ago I said goodbye to my best friend. I feel the same physical effects of heartbreak that I felt in my more explosive breakups. The feeling that my chest might explode, the knots in my stomach, the inability to sleep (and when I do, I dream of her). I’ve been taught to love deeply and calmly. I got hurt in a way I’ve never experienced. And yet. Her arms are wrapped around my heart, telling me that it is okay. I love you. I am changed.
We’re glad you stopped by and hope you’ll stay awhile.
Strangers or Friends is a reading series by Annika Carlson and Ava Litchfield based out of Brooklyn, NY. Once a month we gather at a bar somewhere in the borough and enjoy a variety of literary work read aloud. And then, of course, we soirée!
P.S. We have just opened submissions for no.4 – SCHOOL STORIES, due September 15th! The live reading will be on September 26th at dear friend books and we’ll be sharing updates over at @strangersorfriendsbk until then. See you there <3